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Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Jingle All the Way: A Study in Schwarzenegger
Or How Arnold Made an Action Movie for Kids and Jake Lloyd didn't Kill Star Wars
My wife and I watched the Christmas "classic" Jingle All the Way this weekend. It is every bit as fun as I remembered it being, and even more ridiculous. I realized a few things about it that I never had before. So, in no particular order, here they are:
This is a typical Arnold Schwarzenegger action film, only with kids movie elements. This movie is framed like a Mission Impossible film. It has all the typical action moments: he takes on the seemingly-indestructible giant (Santa) in a fistfight, he has an arch-nemesis (a mailman that goes postal), he escapes a package bomb (left by said mailman), and he punches a reindeer (okay, so that one's not typical). The only difference between this and a normal action movie is that the orders come from the protagonist's wife and the mission is to hunt down an elusive toy for his son. This leads directly to my next point:
Jingle All the Way has a terrible message: If you can't be there for your family, then you can make up for everything by buying them something. Arnold's character Howard is a workaholic and often absent father who must hunt down the thing his son wants to prove his love for him. In the end, this isn't what the message is, but the message of the son just being glad to have his father as his hero is lost among all the madness.
There are things that were funny in 1996 that are no longer very funny. For instance, the store employee who was trampled upon by customers when he opened the store doors isn't funny in light of the fact that people have died from injuries caused by this very thing in the last few years. People getting into fisticuffs over products may have seemed far fetched then, but it's just part of Black Friday now. The threats that Sinbad's postal worker make about having package bombs are not funny in a post-911 world. These threats are taken seriously, and he wouldn't have survived his confrontation with the police. Also, the slapstick scene that occurs when the officer detonates the package bomb accidentally no longer rings true in our modern world.
While watching this, I was also reminded of the tragic loss of Phil Hartman. He was incredibly funny and fit the role he was playing very well. That said, I was shocked at how "adult" his character was in the movie. He was trying to have an affair with every woman in the neighborhood (if not the world), and he wasn't shy about it. I'm not sure how I missed that in the 7th grade, but I was really struck by it this time around. I guess they decided the parents needed something, too?
Jake Lloyd is not the reason that The Phantom Menace and subsequent Star Wars prequels were terrible. Jake actually did a pretty decent job in the role for the age he was at the time. Many now associate him with the failures of the Star Wars prequels, but it wasn't. It's hard to pinpoint exactly what went wrong with the prequels (George Lucas), but it is clear that Jake Lloyd was not a terrible child actor. You may want to blame him for being miscast in the role of young Anakin Skywalker, but it was whoever had final say on the casting for that part that should shoulder the blame (George Lucas). And you certainly can't blame Jake for the quality of the scripts (that George Lucas wrote).
In conclusion, I still really enjoyed Jingle All the Way even though it feels different in our day and age. It's thoroughly entertaining (especially for fans of the Governator), and I would recommend it to anyone who just wants to watch a ridiculously fun Christmas movie.
My wife and I watched the Christmas "classic" Jingle All the Way this weekend. It is every bit as fun as I remembered it being, and even more ridiculous. I realized a few things about it that I never had before. So, in no particular order, here they are:
This is a typical Arnold Schwarzenegger action film, only with kids movie elements. This movie is framed like a Mission Impossible film. It has all the typical action moments: he takes on the seemingly-indestructible giant (Santa) in a fistfight, he has an arch-nemesis (a mailman that goes postal), he escapes a package bomb (left by said mailman), and he punches a reindeer (okay, so that one's not typical). The only difference between this and a normal action movie is that the orders come from the protagonist's wife and the mission is to hunt down an elusive toy for his son. This leads directly to my next point:
Jingle All the Way has a terrible message: If you can't be there for your family, then you can make up for everything by buying them something. Arnold's character Howard is a workaholic and often absent father who must hunt down the thing his son wants to prove his love for him. In the end, this isn't what the message is, but the message of the son just being glad to have his father as his hero is lost among all the madness.
There are things that were funny in 1996 that are no longer very funny. For instance, the store employee who was trampled upon by customers when he opened the store doors isn't funny in light of the fact that people have died from injuries caused by this very thing in the last few years. People getting into fisticuffs over products may have seemed far fetched then, but it's just part of Black Friday now. The threats that Sinbad's postal worker make about having package bombs are not funny in a post-911 world. These threats are taken seriously, and he wouldn't have survived his confrontation with the police. Also, the slapstick scene that occurs when the officer detonates the package bomb accidentally no longer rings true in our modern world.
While watching this, I was also reminded of the tragic loss of Phil Hartman. He was incredibly funny and fit the role he was playing very well. That said, I was shocked at how "adult" his character was in the movie. He was trying to have an affair with every woman in the neighborhood (if not the world), and he wasn't shy about it. I'm not sure how I missed that in the 7th grade, but I was really struck by it this time around. I guess they decided the parents needed something, too?
Jake Lloyd is not the reason that The Phantom Menace and subsequent Star Wars prequels were terrible. Jake actually did a pretty decent job in the role for the age he was at the time. Many now associate him with the failures of the Star Wars prequels, but it wasn't. It's hard to pinpoint exactly what went wrong with the prequels (George Lucas), but it is clear that Jake Lloyd was not a terrible child actor. You may want to blame him for being miscast in the role of young Anakin Skywalker, but it was whoever had final say on the casting for that part that should shoulder the blame (George Lucas). And you certainly can't blame Jake for the quality of the scripts (that George Lucas wrote).
In conclusion, I still really enjoyed Jingle All the Way even though it feels different in our day and age. It's thoroughly entertaining (especially for fans of the Governator), and I would recommend it to anyone who just wants to watch a ridiculously fun Christmas movie.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
The Art of Genre Parody: A Top 5
Today's Top 5 is all about films that parody a genre of film, rather than just one specific movie. Genre Parody is an art form and, in my mind, there are very specific rules for what it is. So, for my Top 5 Genre Parody films, here are five rules:
1) The movie must take on an entire genre of films that has a well established history.
This is the most obvious rule. If there isn't a long list of films in a genre, then you don't have decades of narrative baggage to make fun of.
2) It must directly exploit the staples of the genre being parodied.
For example, if you are going to do a parody of fantasy films, there must be elves, dwarves, knights, and/or dragons. There must be normal characters and magical characters. There should be a lot of nature. If there aren't enough of these things in combination, then you have failed to parody a genre.
3) The movie must not be an obvious parody of a specific film.
This disqualifies several favorites. Spaceballs is a Star Wars parody, Hot Shots is Top Gun, Hot Shots Part Deux is Rambo, The Austin Powers films are James Bond spoofs, etc.
4) A straight-up version of the genre with comedy elements does not count.
This rule disqualifies both Shaun of the Dead and Zombieland, as the former is a Romantic Comedy with Zombies and the latter is really a serious Zombie movie with hilarious characters.
5) It may not be a loose collection of skits that lampoon popular movies that came that year.
So, all of the Scary Movie, Epic Movie, Not Another Teen Movie, etc., etc., ad nauseum do not qualify.
Top 5 Genre Parody Films
The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!
This movie takes on the Police Procedural/Action film to hilarious effect. What if the protagonist is nearly smothered to death by a seemingly sentient pillow? What if Reggie Jackson was brainwashed to kill the Queen of England? This movie dares to ask these questions. Leslie Nielsen's deadpan delivery of non-stop one-liners elevated this to much more than a typical cheesy spoof comedy.
Blazing Saddles!
Mel Brooks has a made a career of parody, but few of them rise to the level brilliance that this film achieved. I believe that Robin Hood: Men in Tights is his best spoof film, but it is too specific a parody of Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves to make this list. Blazing Saddles puts a black sheriff in an old west town scheduled to be demolished for railroad development. And it only gets better from there, putting a twist on the new-sheriff-in-a-rough-town cliche. There's the town drunk who is a washed-up gunfighter. It also shows the hilarious logical conclusion of a cowboy's bean-centric diet. And badges? We don't need no stinking badges.
This is Spinal Tap
This movie is what is now called a mockumentary. It wasn't the first film of its type, but it is the touch-stone for the mockumentaries. Fans of The Office have Christopher Guest and Rob Reiner to thank for popularizing the faux documentary style. The movie was loosely scripted, mostly improvised, and 100% hilarious. They also take on the Rock and Roll culture's excesses. Band member complaining about the catering? Check. Being caught with a suspicious package by Airport Security? Check. The girlfriend that nearly breaks up the band? Check. If you're rating comedies from 1-10, this one goes to 11.
The Fifth Element
This Luc Besson directed film was, believe it or not, originally intended to serve as a parody of the Sci-Fi genre. The movie took apart and reconstructed Sci-Fi so well that it has become a cult classic. For me, this movie was the best showcase of Bruce Willis' comedic timing until RED. Also, this is yet another film that you had no idea Gary Oldman was in. If you've ever wondered where the phrase "Multi-Pass" came from, you should definitely check this one out.
Airplane!
It's no mistake that a Leslie Nielsen film ended up on this list twice. Most of his career before Airplane! was completely dramatic, but his turn in this comedy started something of a career renaissance for him. Airplane is the grand-daddy of all genre parody films. The movie demolishes on the disaster genre and its stock characters. You have the reluctant hero pilot with the drinking problem, the doctor, the religious person, and the innocent kid. Also, this movie used just about every pun available at the time. Every parody film for the next couple of decades tried (and often failed) to duplicate its success. This film is surely a classic, but don't call me Shirley.
1) The movie must take on an entire genre of films that has a well established history.
This is the most obvious rule. If there isn't a long list of films in a genre, then you don't have decades of narrative baggage to make fun of.
2) It must directly exploit the staples of the genre being parodied.
For example, if you are going to do a parody of fantasy films, there must be elves, dwarves, knights, and/or dragons. There must be normal characters and magical characters. There should be a lot of nature. If there aren't enough of these things in combination, then you have failed to parody a genre.
3) The movie must not be an obvious parody of a specific film.
This disqualifies several favorites. Spaceballs is a Star Wars parody, Hot Shots is Top Gun, Hot Shots Part Deux is Rambo, The Austin Powers films are James Bond spoofs, etc.
4) A straight-up version of the genre with comedy elements does not count.
This rule disqualifies both Shaun of the Dead and Zombieland, as the former is a Romantic Comedy with Zombies and the latter is really a serious Zombie movie with hilarious characters.
5) It may not be a loose collection of skits that lampoon popular movies that came that year.
So, all of the Scary Movie, Epic Movie, Not Another Teen Movie, etc., etc., ad nauseum do not qualify.
Top 5 Genre Parody Films
The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!
This movie takes on the Police Procedural/Action film to hilarious effect. What if the protagonist is nearly smothered to death by a seemingly sentient pillow? What if Reggie Jackson was brainwashed to kill the Queen of England? This movie dares to ask these questions. Leslie Nielsen's deadpan delivery of non-stop one-liners elevated this to much more than a typical cheesy spoof comedy.
Blazing Saddles!
Mel Brooks has a made a career of parody, but few of them rise to the level brilliance that this film achieved. I believe that Robin Hood: Men in Tights is his best spoof film, but it is too specific a parody of Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves to make this list. Blazing Saddles puts a black sheriff in an old west town scheduled to be demolished for railroad development. And it only gets better from there, putting a twist on the new-sheriff-in-a-rough-town cliche. There's the town drunk who is a washed-up gunfighter. It also shows the hilarious logical conclusion of a cowboy's bean-centric diet. And badges? We don't need no stinking badges.
This is Spinal Tap
This movie is what is now called a mockumentary. It wasn't the first film of its type, but it is the touch-stone for the mockumentaries. Fans of The Office have Christopher Guest and Rob Reiner to thank for popularizing the faux documentary style. The movie was loosely scripted, mostly improvised, and 100% hilarious. They also take on the Rock and Roll culture's excesses. Band member complaining about the catering? Check. Being caught with a suspicious package by Airport Security? Check. The girlfriend that nearly breaks up the band? Check. If you're rating comedies from 1-10, this one goes to 11.
The Fifth Element
This Luc Besson directed film was, believe it or not, originally intended to serve as a parody of the Sci-Fi genre. The movie took apart and reconstructed Sci-Fi so well that it has become a cult classic. For me, this movie was the best showcase of Bruce Willis' comedic timing until RED. Also, this is yet another film that you had no idea Gary Oldman was in. If you've ever wondered where the phrase "Multi-Pass" came from, you should definitely check this one out.
Airplane!
It's no mistake that a Leslie Nielsen film ended up on this list twice. Most of his career before Airplane! was completely dramatic, but his turn in this comedy started something of a career renaissance for him. Airplane is the grand-daddy of all genre parody films. The movie demolishes on the disaster genre and its stock characters. You have the reluctant hero pilot with the drinking problem, the doctor, the religious person, and the innocent kid. Also, this movie used just about every pun available at the time. Every parody film for the next couple of decades tried (and often failed) to duplicate its success. This film is surely a classic, but don't call me Shirley.
Friday, November 16, 2012
The Mustachioed Man: A Movember Double Top 5
In honor of Movember, I've compiled a Double Top 5 about movie mustaches. The first Top 5 is a list of Lifetime Achievers, while the second list is the Top 5 one-shot awesomeness. Growing and grooming a mustache is a much more difficult pursuit than one would expect, so today we take time to bask in the glow of the 'staches. Many of these hairy heroes inspire jealousy in naturally smooth skinned males, but in today's study we salute the hirsute.
Top 5 Lifetime Acheivers
Charlie Chaplin
Before Hitler completely ruined the Toothbrush Mustache, silent film star Charlie Chaplin totally rocked the look. Fortunately, he's still well known for inspiring generations of physical comedians.
Groucho Marx
Groucho has absolutely the most famous mustache of all time. He was know for his quick wit and cigar smoking. His look is called The Boxcar, and he wore it well. He said he intended to live forever, or die trying. He may have passed in 1977, but his mustache has proven to be immortal.
His Boxcar is so iconic that it eventually replaced the Masquerade Ball Mask as the go-to obvious disguise.
Sam Elliot
Sam Elliot is known to an entire three generations as That Cowboy with That Mustache. He has built an entire career behind that Handlebar, and has only made the mistake of shaving it off a few times. I would never start a fight with this man, simply for fear that he's hiding a hunting knife in there.
A. Wilford Brimley
It is rumored that A. Wilford Brimley primarily eats krill, using his Baleen Stache as a filter. Before he started doing commercials about Diabeetus, he was rumored to be the mythical beast from The Beatles' "I Am the Walrus."
Tom Selleck
Mr. Selleck was very nearly cast as Indiana Jones, but folk wisdom of the day had many convinced that Magnum's Paintbrush 'stache was invincible and could easily repel bullets and Nazi punches. So, he was passed over for the smooth-faced Harrison Ford (many sources erroneously cite a scheduling conflict). Later testing proved that only Chuck Norris' facial hair is up to the task of surviving nuclear blasts in a refrigerator.
Honorable Mention:
Yosemite Sam
Yosemite Sam is the angry cowboy predecessor of Sam Elliot. His mustache, simply known as the Red-Headed Stache Child, is know for being connected to his eyebrows and his temper.
Top 5 One-Shot 'Staches
Harry Shearer - This is Spinal Tap
Harry Shearer played the hilariously clueless Bass player Derek Smalls in the fictional band Spinal Tap. Not too many people can pull off the Fuzzy Horseshoe while trapped in an alien pod or dancing next to a comically small replica of Stonehenge, but he very nearly does.
Val Kilmer - Tombstone
Val Kilmer rocks as the sickly Doc Holliday in this film. One thing that isn't sickly is his Mexican Handlebar Mustache and Soul Patch pairing. It was very nearly beaten out by Kurt Russel's Mini-Walrus, but this mustache'll be your Huckleberry any day.
Billy Dee Williams - The Empire Strikes Back
Billie Dee Williams was Harrison Ford's brother from another galaxy. He may have lost the Millennium Falcon to Han Solo in a card game, but he probably looked smooth when he was handing over the keys. It's hard to decide which is better: his cape or his Space Pirate 'stache.
Clark Gable - Gone With the Wind
Clark Gable may not be the originator of the Lip Caterpiller, but he certainly perfected it as Rhett Butler. And he makes it clear that with enough mustache, one can do without a reputation.
Samuel L Jackson - Pulp Fiction
He's a Bible-quoting assassin and all-around tough guy with a Jerry-curl 'fro and excellent facial hair. It's very hard to classify this mustache as it's a modified Horseshoe with Mutton-Chops. Let's call it the Lamb-Shoe's Vengeance. "Have you seen my wallet? It's the one that says One Bad Mustache Farmer."
Top 5 Lifetime Acheivers
Charlie Chaplin
Before Hitler completely ruined the Toothbrush Mustache, silent film star Charlie Chaplin totally rocked the look. Fortunately, he's still well known for inspiring generations of physical comedians.
Groucho Marx
Groucho has absolutely the most famous mustache of all time. He was know for his quick wit and cigar smoking. His look is called The Boxcar, and he wore it well. He said he intended to live forever, or die trying. He may have passed in 1977, but his mustache has proven to be immortal.
Sam Elliot
Sam Elliot is known to an entire three generations as That Cowboy with That Mustache. He has built an entire career behind that Handlebar, and has only made the mistake of shaving it off a few times. I would never start a fight with this man, simply for fear that he's hiding a hunting knife in there.
A. Wilford Brimley
It is rumored that A. Wilford Brimley primarily eats krill, using his Baleen Stache as a filter. Before he started doing commercials about Diabeetus, he was rumored to be the mythical beast from The Beatles' "I Am the Walrus."
Tom Selleck
Mr. Selleck was very nearly cast as Indiana Jones, but folk wisdom of the day had many convinced that Magnum's Paintbrush 'stache was invincible and could easily repel bullets and Nazi punches. So, he was passed over for the smooth-faced Harrison Ford (many sources erroneously cite a scheduling conflict). Later testing proved that only Chuck Norris' facial hair is up to the task of surviving nuclear blasts in a refrigerator.
Honorable Mention:
Yosemite Sam
Yosemite Sam is the angry cowboy predecessor of Sam Elliot. His mustache, simply known as the Red-Headed Stache Child, is know for being connected to his eyebrows and his temper.
Top 5 One-Shot 'Staches
Harry Shearer - This is Spinal Tap
Harry Shearer played the hilariously clueless Bass player Derek Smalls in the fictional band Spinal Tap. Not too many people can pull off the Fuzzy Horseshoe while trapped in an alien pod or dancing next to a comically small replica of Stonehenge, but he very nearly does.
Val Kilmer - Tombstone
Val Kilmer rocks as the sickly Doc Holliday in this film. One thing that isn't sickly is his Mexican Handlebar Mustache and Soul Patch pairing. It was very nearly beaten out by Kurt Russel's Mini-Walrus, but this mustache'll be your Huckleberry any day.
Billy Dee Williams - The Empire Strikes Back
Billie Dee Williams was Harrison Ford's brother from another galaxy. He may have lost the Millennium Falcon to Han Solo in a card game, but he probably looked smooth when he was handing over the keys. It's hard to decide which is better: his cape or his Space Pirate 'stache.
Clark Gable - Gone With the Wind
Clark Gable may not be the originator of the Lip Caterpiller, but he certainly perfected it as Rhett Butler. And he makes it clear that with enough mustache, one can do without a reputation.
Samuel L Jackson - Pulp Fiction
He's a Bible-quoting assassin and all-around tough guy with a Jerry-curl 'fro and excellent facial hair. It's very hard to classify this mustache as it's a modified Horseshoe with Mutton-Chops. Let's call it the Lamb-Shoe's Vengeance. "Have you seen my wallet? It's the one that says One Bad Mustache Farmer."
Thursday, November 15, 2012
The Game is Afoot: A Sporting Top 5
I am not a sports fan. I don't understand the rabid fandom that every team seems to have (except for the Clippers, of course). I don't enjoy watching sports and only ever watch the Super Bowl for the commercials and half-time shows (when there is an act worth watching). That said, I have a love for a good sports movie. There's something uplifting about stories of standing tall against long odds and winning (or sometimes even losing). Any great sports film has you rooting for the little guy because no great drama has ever been made about a completely dominant team. And movies that are about winners usually go out of their way to show you how flawed the individuals are off the field. So, without further ado, my Top 5 Sports movies.
5) Space Jam
Michael Jordan and the Looney Toons. Oh, and Bill Murray! Some people say that this is one of the worst movies ever made. I think not. Just mull over the awesomeness of the premise: alien cartoons try to take over the world by stealing the abilities of NBA Players and entering a basketball game against the Looney Toons. Luckily, Michael Jordan has retired from the NBA, so his skills are still intact. The Looney Toons enlist his help and they go on to defeat the alien menace.
Best Quote: Stan Podolak "C'mon, Michael! It's game time! Get your Hanes on, lace up your Nikes, grab your Wheaties and your Gatorade, and we'll pick up a Big Mac on the way to the ballpark."
4) Rocky Balboa
Now, you're all asking why I would dare to put the sixth film of the Rocky series on this list but not the original Rocky. The reason is simple: Rocky Balboa is the best of the six. It is about the losses that inevitably happen in life and the tragedy of growing old. Adrian has passed away and Rocky's son doesn't respect him. He is just working the daily grind and running his own restaurant when a computer analysis on ESPN puts Rocky in his prime against the current champ and shows him winning. So, partially as a stunt, the two decide to meet in the ring. I won't give away the ending, but this movie packs an emotional punch.
Best Quote: Rocky Balboa: "It ain't about how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward."
(As an aside, how prescient was "Theme from Rocky XIII" by Weird Al in which an aging and out of shape Rocky now runs a restaurant?)
3) A League of Their Own
This based-on-true-events film is centered around a team in the All-American Girls Professional Baseball League which was formed during World War II to maintain the public's interest in Baseball while the men were off fighting in the war. They do this by finding the most attractive athletes they can find and putting them in skirts to play (seriously the dumbest idea ever for a sport that involves sliding on dirt). Two sisters find their way onto a team coached by an alcoholic former Major League slugger. This movie is definitely a comedy, but there are some really great moments of drama, as well.
Best Quote: Jimmy Dugan: "There's no crying in baseball!"
2) Rudy
Rudy is the ultimate underdog. He dreams of playing football at the elite Notre Dame, but there's just one snag: Rudy is Hobbit-sized in a sport played mostly by larger-than-average men. Add to that the fact that his grades aren't good enough to get him accepted into Notre Dame anyway. He enrolls in a smaller college hoping that his grades will be good enough for transfer. He eventually does get the transfer, but only makes the practice squad for the football team. He never gives up and the coach, bowing to pressure from players and students, finally lets him in for the last play of the last game of his senior year. He ends up sacking the quarterback of the opposing team and Rudy is now a legendary example of perseverance.
Best Quote: Father Cavanaugh: "Son, in 35 years of religious study, I have only come up with two hard incontrovertible facts: there is a God, and I'm not Him."
1) Miracle
At a time when the USA seemed like it would inevitably lose the cold war to the monolithic Soviet Union, Herb Brooks put together the most unusual team of misfit hockey players that had ever been heard of. He didn't want any stars on his roster because he wanted the guys he picked to be a Team. He was criticized heavily for the choice to field amateur and collegiate players, but they went on the defeat the USSR in the 1980 Olympics. It was a huge achievement and, to this day, overshadows the fact that they still had to beat Finland to win Gold in the round-robin style tourney in that Games.
Best Quote: Herb Brooks "Great moments... are born from great opportunity. And that's what you have here, tonight, boys. That's what you've earned here tonight. One game. If we played 'em ten times, they might win nine. But not this game. Not tonight. Tonight, we skate with them. Tonight, we stay with them. And we shut them down because we can! Tonight, WE are the greatest hockey team in the world. You were born to be hockey players. Every one of you. And you were meant to be here tonight. This is your time. Their time is done. It's over. I'm sick and tired of hearing about what a great hockey team the Soviets have. Screw 'em. This is your time. Now go out there and take it."
5) Space Jam
Michael Jordan and the Looney Toons. Oh, and Bill Murray! Some people say that this is one of the worst movies ever made. I think not. Just mull over the awesomeness of the premise: alien cartoons try to take over the world by stealing the abilities of NBA Players and entering a basketball game against the Looney Toons. Luckily, Michael Jordan has retired from the NBA, so his skills are still intact. The Looney Toons enlist his help and they go on to defeat the alien menace.
Best Quote: Stan Podolak "C'mon, Michael! It's game time! Get your Hanes on, lace up your Nikes, grab your Wheaties and your Gatorade, and we'll pick up a Big Mac on the way to the ballpark."
4) Rocky Balboa
Now, you're all asking why I would dare to put the sixth film of the Rocky series on this list but not the original Rocky. The reason is simple: Rocky Balboa is the best of the six. It is about the losses that inevitably happen in life and the tragedy of growing old. Adrian has passed away and Rocky's son doesn't respect him. He is just working the daily grind and running his own restaurant when a computer analysis on ESPN puts Rocky in his prime against the current champ and shows him winning. So, partially as a stunt, the two decide to meet in the ring. I won't give away the ending, but this movie packs an emotional punch.
Best Quote: Rocky Balboa: "It ain't about how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward."
(As an aside, how prescient was "Theme from Rocky XIII" by Weird Al in which an aging and out of shape Rocky now runs a restaurant?)
3) A League of Their Own
This based-on-true-events film is centered around a team in the All-American Girls Professional Baseball League which was formed during World War II to maintain the public's interest in Baseball while the men were off fighting in the war. They do this by finding the most attractive athletes they can find and putting them in skirts to play (seriously the dumbest idea ever for a sport that involves sliding on dirt). Two sisters find their way onto a team coached by an alcoholic former Major League slugger. This movie is definitely a comedy, but there are some really great moments of drama, as well.
Best Quote: Jimmy Dugan: "There's no crying in baseball!"
2) Rudy
Rudy is the ultimate underdog. He dreams of playing football at the elite Notre Dame, but there's just one snag: Rudy is Hobbit-sized in a sport played mostly by larger-than-average men. Add to that the fact that his grades aren't good enough to get him accepted into Notre Dame anyway. He enrolls in a smaller college hoping that his grades will be good enough for transfer. He eventually does get the transfer, but only makes the practice squad for the football team. He never gives up and the coach, bowing to pressure from players and students, finally lets him in for the last play of the last game of his senior year. He ends up sacking the quarterback of the opposing team and Rudy is now a legendary example of perseverance.
Best Quote: Father Cavanaugh: "Son, in 35 years of religious study, I have only come up with two hard incontrovertible facts: there is a God, and I'm not Him."
1) Miracle
At a time when the USA seemed like it would inevitably lose the cold war to the monolithic Soviet Union, Herb Brooks put together the most unusual team of misfit hockey players that had ever been heard of. He didn't want any stars on his roster because he wanted the guys he picked to be a Team. He was criticized heavily for the choice to field amateur and collegiate players, but they went on the defeat the USSR in the 1980 Olympics. It was a huge achievement and, to this day, overshadows the fact that they still had to beat Finland to win Gold in the round-robin style tourney in that Games.
Best Quote: Herb Brooks "Great moments... are born from great opportunity. And that's what you have here, tonight, boys. That's what you've earned here tonight. One game. If we played 'em ten times, they might win nine. But not this game. Not tonight. Tonight, we skate with them. Tonight, we stay with them. And we shut them down because we can! Tonight, WE are the greatest hockey team in the world. You were born to be hockey players. Every one of you. And you were meant to be here tonight. This is your time. Their time is done. It's over. I'm sick and tired of hearing about what a great hockey team the Soviets have. Screw 'em. This is your time. Now go out there and take it."
Monday, November 12, 2012
My Word is Bond: A Study
This weekend's Skyfall had the biggest opening ever for a Bond film. The best part is, it wasn't just the hype. With Skyfall, 007 has been propelled to new heights. Even better, the rest of the cast came along for the ride. Skyfall couples excellent action with the best script that Bond has ever seen. Let's take a look at what worked so well:
The Script
The scripts are what have definitely given Daniel Craig an edge as the newest Bond. Skyfall is the best of the three so far. If you are a fan of tightly scripted and paced political thrillers, then you owe it to yourself to see this film - regardless of whether or not you like Bond films. Not only is the film engaging throughout, but it also has the most satisfying conclusion of any Bond film ever.
The Action
If you like Die Hard, this film may not satisfy your action itch. However, if you like your action to add to the plot rather than distract from it, then this is a must-see movie. As with the script, there is no padding in the action department.
The Actors
Daniel Craig was great as usual as the 21st-Century "broken" Bond. This film finally gets into his past and Craig shows more emotion than we've seen to date.
Javier Bardem gives a turn as a villain so sadistic, but yet so charismatic, that you find yourself rooting for him to a degree. Silva is a master chess player, and MI-6 are his pawns.
Judi Dench is perfect as M (as usual) and Skyfall really is her show. She is an institution under fire, and she never loses her nerve.
Ralph Feinnes plays Gareth Mallory, a politician that is intent upon retiring M as the head of MI-6. Though Bond has never been stopped by his many villains, Mallory shows that bureaucracy is the only thing that could ever come close.
Every character was exquisitely portrayed and three-dimensional, right down to the usually one-dimensional and cast-only-for-looks Bond girls.
Conclusion
Skyfall is the rare film that surpasses the hype. The only thing that holds it back for people is that Daniel Craig is not Sean Connery. I'm going to say something controversial here: Sean Connery isn't even as good as Sean Connery is remembered to be (he never could shake that Scottish accent). Daniel Craig has, in my mind, now surpassed all other previous Bond actors. While he does benefit from a few things like better scripting and plots that can be taken seriously, there are very few actors that could be as good in this role. It should be noted here that Timothy Dalton is the best actor to have ever taken on the role, but the scripts and action sequences in his two turns were ridiculous (to put it politely). We finally have the perfect storm of story, direction, and acting. Let's hope this upward trend continues.
The Script
The scripts are what have definitely given Daniel Craig an edge as the newest Bond. Skyfall is the best of the three so far. If you are a fan of tightly scripted and paced political thrillers, then you owe it to yourself to see this film - regardless of whether or not you like Bond films. Not only is the film engaging throughout, but it also has the most satisfying conclusion of any Bond film ever.
The Action
If you like Die Hard, this film may not satisfy your action itch. However, if you like your action to add to the plot rather than distract from it, then this is a must-see movie. As with the script, there is no padding in the action department.
The Actors
Daniel Craig was great as usual as the 21st-Century "broken" Bond. This film finally gets into his past and Craig shows more emotion than we've seen to date.
Javier Bardem gives a turn as a villain so sadistic, but yet so charismatic, that you find yourself rooting for him to a degree. Silva is a master chess player, and MI-6 are his pawns.
Judi Dench is perfect as M (as usual) and Skyfall really is her show. She is an institution under fire, and she never loses her nerve.
Ralph Feinnes plays Gareth Mallory, a politician that is intent upon retiring M as the head of MI-6. Though Bond has never been stopped by his many villains, Mallory shows that bureaucracy is the only thing that could ever come close.
Every character was exquisitely portrayed and three-dimensional, right down to the usually one-dimensional and cast-only-for-looks Bond girls.
Conclusion
Skyfall is the rare film that surpasses the hype. The only thing that holds it back for people is that Daniel Craig is not Sean Connery. I'm going to say something controversial here: Sean Connery isn't even as good as Sean Connery is remembered to be (he never could shake that Scottish accent). Daniel Craig has, in my mind, now surpassed all other previous Bond actors. While he does benefit from a few things like better scripting and plots that can be taken seriously, there are very few actors that could be as good in this role. It should be noted here that Timothy Dalton is the best actor to have ever taken on the role, but the scripts and action sequences in his two turns were ridiculous (to put it politely). We finally have the perfect storm of story, direction, and acting. Let's hope this upward trend continues.
Thursday, November 8, 2012
When You Wish Upon a Star Wars: A Double-Top 5
UPDATE on #2 of Top five good things!
When Disney purchased Lucasfilm and with it the rights to make new Star Wars films, it was as though millions of voices cried out at once. The thought of new adventures and excitement may have you ready for more or you may be of the opinion that a Jedi seeks not these things. Either way, here my Top 5 reasons why this announcement is a phantom menace and my Top 5 reasons why Star Wars going to the next generation of filmmakers may be a good thing.
5) Straight to Walmart's $5 DVD Bin
Have you ever seen a really good Disney sequel in the theater? Every sequel to a Disney film has gone straight to video. When a movie goes this route, the creators are already giving the impression that they have absolutely no faith in the film they are selling. "Wait a minute," you say, "Pirates of the Caribbean had three sequels in theaters!" I will concede that point, but the THIRD sequel is the only somewhat good one so far. So, maybe we're betting our ship over a bad hand of Sabacc.
4) Jar Jar Binks Disney actors will be brutally and repeatedly beaten
No one will ever want to get this short straw on Disney Park character assignments. If I was the Disney employee portraying Jar Jar, I'd make sure I had a good security detail before venturing into the park. On the other hand, Disney has done its best to erase all references to racially insensitive characters from its long and storied history.
3) Disney is just another greedy corporation
Where George Lucas went wrong with Star Wars is easy to pinpoint: The Special Editions. We should have sensed a disturbance in The Force when Han Shot first, but we yet didn't realize how many times he was going to re-sell us the kinda-sorta Original Trilogy over the next 15 years. Also, let's not forget the endless stream of toys and product TIE-Ins that we've seen with the Prequels. Disney bought Lucasfilm because it wants to make money off of the Star Wars brand, so I wouldn't expect that to stop. Let's just hope the deal doesn't keep getting worse all the time.
2) All the best villains are dead.
Darth Vader, Emperor Palpatine, the Rancor, Jabba the Hutt, and Boba Fett all met an untimely end (well, the Expanded Universe managed to get Boba Fett out of the Sarlacc). The main question is, what new villains can be as instantly iconic as the ones that have already become one with The Force?
1) Star Wars becomes "cute"
As Disney has done with about everything else, we can probably expect an animated Young Star Wars TV show that will probably feature scenes of Young Darth Maul and Young Obi-Wan fighting over toys in the sandbox. Also, expect Star Wars High School, where Papatine is the Principal, Vader is the school bully, C-3P0 is the geek, Luke is the jock, Chewie is the outcast, Leia is the rich-girl snob, and Han is the future criminal. If any of these shows are foisted upon us, maybe we'd rather be slowly digested over a thousand years.
And here are my Top 5 reasons why this move signals the return of the Jedi.
5) New Star Wars movies
This one is a no-brainer, as Disney already has Star Wars Episode VII: the Tower of Terror in motion (just kidding on the title, I hope). Obviously we want more Star Wars. Otherwise, we wouldn't have spent billions of dollars watching Attack of the Clones several times in the theater hoping that it might actually get better with multiple viewings (Note: Watching over two hours of crap two times to see Yoda have an awesome Lightsaber duel for about 2 minutes is not worth it). With new films, we have a new hope that they will be at least pretty good.
4) Disney's (non)handling of Marvel
Don't forget that a mere three years ago, the geek world cried out in terror when Disney acquired Marvel. Everyone was worried that they would ruin the trajectory of Marvel movies and comics. However, they've essentially let Marvel keep on being Marvel, but with better marketing and a larger starting audience. They realized that if they tightened their grip, then many bad ideas would slip through their fingers.I think that everyone now realizes that the deal has been good for both Disney and Marvel and it looks like that trend will continue for the foreseeable future.
3) All the narrative dead weight is gone
Characters from the Original Trilogy were used in unnecessary ways in the Prequels that over-extended the story to connect all the dots in the story arcs. All that this accomplished was turning the story arcs into a tangled story web that more resembled an over-caffeinated spider's web than a Star Wars trilogy. They no longer have to explain the origins of Darth Vader (though it could be argued that they haven't really) and they aren't burdened with trying to make new characters and story arcs fit in rigidly with the new ones. Now, we can look back fondly on what came before and actually have no idea what is going to happen.
2) George Lucas is a Consultant
Star Wars achieved its greatness in The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. Why? Because George Lucas came up with the stories for both films and handed them each to different screenwriters and directors. When Lucas said a few years ago that he was done with Star Wars, many thought that he was just done inflicting pain on us with newer, more terrible films and re-re-remakes and re-re-repackaging of the classics. What no one expected is that Disney, which has the storytelling powerhouse of Pixar in its family, would be making new films. Since Lucas wrote a detailed treatment and the film will attract the cream of the crop of Hollywood's elite grown-man-boy screenwriters, we have no reason to let fear take hold of us.
UPDATE: A three film treatment was already written by Oscar Winner Michael Arndt before the deal was even announced. He is known for writing such films as Little Miss Sunshine and Toy Story 3.
1) Star Wars Land Disney Theme Park!!!
X-Wing Death Star Trench Run the Ride. Enough said.
When Disney purchased Lucasfilm and with it the rights to make new Star Wars films, it was as though millions of voices cried out at once. The thought of new adventures and excitement may have you ready for more or you may be of the opinion that a Jedi seeks not these things. Either way, here my Top 5 reasons why this announcement is a phantom menace and my Top 5 reasons why Star Wars going to the next generation of filmmakers may be a good thing.
5) Straight to Walmart's $5 DVD Bin
Have you ever seen a really good Disney sequel in the theater? Every sequel to a Disney film has gone straight to video. When a movie goes this route, the creators are already giving the impression that they have absolutely no faith in the film they are selling. "Wait a minute," you say, "Pirates of the Caribbean had three sequels in theaters!" I will concede that point, but the THIRD sequel is the only somewhat good one so far. So, maybe we're betting our ship over a bad hand of Sabacc.
4) Jar Jar Binks Disney actors will be brutally and repeatedly beaten
No one will ever want to get this short straw on Disney Park character assignments. If I was the Disney employee portraying Jar Jar, I'd make sure I had a good security detail before venturing into the park. On the other hand, Disney has done its best to erase all references to racially insensitive characters from its long and storied history.
3) Disney is just another greedy corporation
Where George Lucas went wrong with Star Wars is easy to pinpoint: The Special Editions. We should have sensed a disturbance in The Force when Han Shot first, but we yet didn't realize how many times he was going to re-sell us the kinda-sorta Original Trilogy over the next 15 years. Also, let's not forget the endless stream of toys and product TIE-Ins that we've seen with the Prequels. Disney bought Lucasfilm because it wants to make money off of the Star Wars brand, so I wouldn't expect that to stop. Let's just hope the deal doesn't keep getting worse all the time.
2) All the best villains are dead.
Darth Vader, Emperor Palpatine, the Rancor, Jabba the Hutt, and Boba Fett all met an untimely end (well, the Expanded Universe managed to get Boba Fett out of the Sarlacc). The main question is, what new villains can be as instantly iconic as the ones that have already become one with The Force?
1) Star Wars becomes "cute"
As Disney has done with about everything else, we can probably expect an animated Young Star Wars TV show that will probably feature scenes of Young Darth Maul and Young Obi-Wan fighting over toys in the sandbox. Also, expect Star Wars High School, where Papatine is the Principal, Vader is the school bully, C-3P0 is the geek, Luke is the jock, Chewie is the outcast, Leia is the rich-girl snob, and Han is the future criminal. If any of these shows are foisted upon us, maybe we'd rather be slowly digested over a thousand years.
And here are my Top 5 reasons why this move signals the return of the Jedi.
5) New Star Wars movies
This one is a no-brainer, as Disney already has Star Wars Episode VII: the Tower of Terror in motion (just kidding on the title, I hope). Obviously we want more Star Wars. Otherwise, we wouldn't have spent billions of dollars watching Attack of the Clones several times in the theater hoping that it might actually get better with multiple viewings (Note: Watching over two hours of crap two times to see Yoda have an awesome Lightsaber duel for about 2 minutes is not worth it). With new films, we have a new hope that they will be at least pretty good.
4) Disney's (non)handling of Marvel
Don't forget that a mere three years ago, the geek world cried out in terror when Disney acquired Marvel. Everyone was worried that they would ruin the trajectory of Marvel movies and comics. However, they've essentially let Marvel keep on being Marvel, but with better marketing and a larger starting audience. They realized that if they tightened their grip, then many bad ideas would slip through their fingers.I think that everyone now realizes that the deal has been good for both Disney and Marvel and it looks like that trend will continue for the foreseeable future.
3) All the narrative dead weight is gone
Characters from the Original Trilogy were used in unnecessary ways in the Prequels that over-extended the story to connect all the dots in the story arcs. All that this accomplished was turning the story arcs into a tangled story web that more resembled an over-caffeinated spider's web than a Star Wars trilogy. They no longer have to explain the origins of Darth Vader (though it could be argued that they haven't really) and they aren't burdened with trying to make new characters and story arcs fit in rigidly with the new ones. Now, we can look back fondly on what came before and actually have no idea what is going to happen.
2) George Lucas is a Consultant
Star Wars achieved its greatness in The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. Why? Because George Lucas came up with the stories for both films and handed them each to different screenwriters and directors. When Lucas said a few years ago that he was done with Star Wars, many thought that he was just done inflicting pain on us with newer, more terrible films and re-re-remakes and re-re-repackaging of the classics. What no one expected is that Disney, which has the storytelling powerhouse of Pixar in its family, would be making new films. Since Lucas wrote a detailed treatment and the film will attract the cream of the crop of Hollywood's elite grown-man-boy screenwriters, we have no reason to let fear take hold of us.
UPDATE: A three film treatment was already written by Oscar Winner Michael Arndt before the deal was even announced. He is known for writing such films as Little Miss Sunshine and Toy Story 3.
1) Star Wars Land Disney Theme Park!!!
X-Wing Death Star Trench Run the Ride. Enough said.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
The President in Film: A Top 5
In honor of Election Day, here is my completely unscientific and personal Top 5 Presidential Films of all time. So, go vote and then pop one of these movies in for something Presidential that you will actually enjoy rather than grudgingly endure. For those who may be worried, this is as political as this blog will ever get.
5) Air Force One
Would the President ever actually be his own last line of defense? No. Could terrorists ever actually get onto Air Force One? Unlikely. Does everyone love to see the President kicking butt and taking names? YES! So, shut up all you joy-killing logic-hounds! We don't need your kind here. We would like to shut off our brains and watch Harrison Ford and Gary Oldman square off for a couple of hours!
Electoral bonus: Harrison Ford glowering like a pro.
4) Independence Day
Alien invasion that threatens the existence of all mankind? Check. Brainy computer nerd with the power to fight back against said invaders? Check. Scrappy bad-boy fighter pilot with super-catchy catchphrase? Check. A rousing speech from a fighter-piloting, commander-in-chiefing, Bill-Pullman-portrayed President? CHECK! Independence Day is not really a smart film, but it is fun and has one of the best Hollywood Presidents ever.
Electoral bonus: Punching an alien in the face and exclaiming "Welcome to Earth!"
3) Thirteen Days
This one isn't just a great Presidential film, it's a great movie in general. This movie shows us just how close we came to nuclear annihilation in 1962. The best part is, most of the dialogue was lifted directly from actual transcripts taken during the crisis. Add in a great performance from Bruce Greenwood as JFK and Steven Culp as RFK and you've got a real winner. This film makes me appreciate the difficulty the President has weighing starkly differing opinions before making a final decision.
Electoral bonus: Historical accuracy and New England accents.
2) All the President's Men
Woodward and Bernstein are now considered journalistic heroes for what they did in exposing the Watergate Scandal, which ultimately led to the resignation of Richard M Nixon from the Presidency of the United States. This movie paints a pretty fair picture of Woodward and Bernstein as potentially over-ambitious and somewhat loose with their journalistic ethics. Though many of their tactics at the time are now considered illegal and unethical, this film accurately shows that politics is a dirty game whose rules dictate a muddy playing field. And no one gets off the field clean unless they're sitting on the sidelines.
Electoral bonus: Extreme abuse of landlines.
1) Dave
This is easily my favorite Presidential film of all time. The premise is simple. Dave is a Presidential Impersonator who is called to fill in for the real President while he is off doing something unethical. The Real President has a stroke and they decide to keep Dave on full-time as the President so as to prevent the somewhat weird Vice President from filling in. This seems like a good idea until Dave the Everyman starts making sense. This film is funny from beginning to end and actually moves forward an excellent plot.
Electoral bonus: Saying "I once caught a fish... THIS BIG!" while using a pair of giant robotic arms.
5) Air Force One
Would the President ever actually be his own last line of defense? No. Could terrorists ever actually get onto Air Force One? Unlikely. Does everyone love to see the President kicking butt and taking names? YES! So, shut up all you joy-killing logic-hounds! We don't need your kind here. We would like to shut off our brains and watch Harrison Ford and Gary Oldman square off for a couple of hours!
Electoral bonus: Harrison Ford glowering like a pro.
4) Independence Day
Alien invasion that threatens the existence of all mankind? Check. Brainy computer nerd with the power to fight back against said invaders? Check. Scrappy bad-boy fighter pilot with super-catchy catchphrase? Check. A rousing speech from a fighter-piloting, commander-in-chiefing, Bill-Pullman-portrayed President? CHECK! Independence Day is not really a smart film, but it is fun and has one of the best Hollywood Presidents ever.
Electoral bonus: Punching an alien in the face and exclaiming "Welcome to Earth!"
3) Thirteen Days
This one isn't just a great Presidential film, it's a great movie in general. This movie shows us just how close we came to nuclear annihilation in 1962. The best part is, most of the dialogue was lifted directly from actual transcripts taken during the crisis. Add in a great performance from Bruce Greenwood as JFK and Steven Culp as RFK and you've got a real winner. This film makes me appreciate the difficulty the President has weighing starkly differing opinions before making a final decision.
Electoral bonus: Historical accuracy and New England accents.
2) All the President's Men
Woodward and Bernstein are now considered journalistic heroes for what they did in exposing the Watergate Scandal, which ultimately led to the resignation of Richard M Nixon from the Presidency of the United States. This movie paints a pretty fair picture of Woodward and Bernstein as potentially over-ambitious and somewhat loose with their journalistic ethics. Though many of their tactics at the time are now considered illegal and unethical, this film accurately shows that politics is a dirty game whose rules dictate a muddy playing field. And no one gets off the field clean unless they're sitting on the sidelines.
Electoral bonus: Extreme abuse of landlines.
1) Dave
This is easily my favorite Presidential film of all time. The premise is simple. Dave is a Presidential Impersonator who is called to fill in for the real President while he is off doing something unethical. The Real President has a stroke and they decide to keep Dave on full-time as the President so as to prevent the somewhat weird Vice President from filling in. This seems like a good idea until Dave the Everyman starts making sense. This film is funny from beginning to end and actually moves forward an excellent plot.
Electoral bonus: Saying "I once caught a fish... THIS BIG!" while using a pair of giant robotic arms.
Monday, November 5, 2012
Nightmare on Nostalgia Lane Part 4: The Horror of Childhood Favorites
Do you remember how awesome 1987's GI Joe: The Movie was? How about the wonderful writing in the Star Wars: Ewok Adventure movies? Wasn't TRON the most epic film from your childhood? Well, if you remember those things, then you were too young to realize just how truly awful they were. What is it about some movies that captured our young minds but then it seemed as though they later were replaced by poorly-made, Sweded versions*? Well, I'm sorry to say that most of us were idiots before the age of seven and anything you remember as sweet-awesome from before the first day of school and critical thinking began will most likely disappoint you. This condition is called Kidiot Syndrome (herein refered to as K.S.[not to be mistaken for Kansas]). Everyone has it for some period of time and most people lose it by the second grade. The first time I ever labeled anything as stupid and childish was at the
age of 8 when I happened upon the brand-new show Barney. Some people never lose K.S., and we should take a moment to remember them in our thoughts.
One movie that severely disappointed me as an adult was Spaceballs! This is a movie that I remembered being an absolute laugh riot. However, I was only remembering the funny parts. This is a movie that starts off very strong. They have a great cast and a great group of gags in the first half hour. Then, the movie languishes in the un-funny zone for about 45 minutes before a moderately funny ending (the fortune cookie chest-burster was inspired). For some reason, my 14-year-old self thought that Batman & Robin was actually a good movie. Boy Wonder, Batman, was I wrong! This movie is such a mess and Arnold Schwarzenegger's terrible one-liners are not even the worst part of it. Why did Batman & Robin have a different suit just for ice-skating? Because more suits mean more toys to sell, that's why**. Just to show that I am not strictly criticizing 80s and 90s classics: Many of the 3 year olds that LOVED Jar Jar Binks and the Star Wars prequel trilogy are growing up now, realizing the error of their ways, and becoming Original Trilogy purists. This, of course, means that there is yet hope for the human race.
There are very few enduring Christmas classics compared to the number of Holiday films that have been made over the years. Most of them are just inoffensive and pass the time. However, Babes in Toyland is so bad that every copy should be smashed with a hammer and burned. Oddly, I remember really enjoying this movie when it was aired in school one year before Christmas break began. It must have been a combination of too many sugar cookies and the boredom of being in school on the last day before break. I tried to watch this last year and it's one of those movies that truly deserves the label "What is this? I don't even..." and I have concluded that this film was produced by adults suffering from K.S.
K.S. equally affected our favorite TV Shows. I can remember Zack Morris was the coolest guy on Saved By the Bell. However, looking back I realize that I wouldn't want to be friends with him. He was completely unreliable as a friend and would have landed us all in detention daily. Also, I'm sorry to say this, but Screech would not be friends with the cool kids. I know what it's like to be a geek. His only hope of having friends would either be Marching Band or Drama Club. MacGuyver was the best show of all time! However, the first couple of seasons relied too much on narration from Richard Dean Anderson telling you exactly what he was doing as though we were too dumb to figure it out (luckily, they put a stop to that after a couple of seasons). Also, the show often re-used footage from old movies to fill in where they didn't have an effects or stunts budget. For instance: the episode where MacGuyver gets a family of Gypsies out of Hungary and into Austria by getting them all into three Mini Coopers (one Red, one White, one Blue) and having an insane chase through city streets and canals and... Wait a minute! Wasn't that the original Italian Job? Why, yes! Yes, it was! The show is still good, but it's amazing what a difference a few decades and watching hundreds of films and thousands of episodes of television can make.
And now, a for a completely different category: the films you only saw in their edited-for-TV versions. This is a good time for a sidebar: PG ratings are not a reliable indicator of content before 1984***. Imagine the horror of finding out that the 1980 version of Clash of the Titans has one scene of blatant nudity in it when watching it with your In-Laws at your recommendation! The unedited movie was otherwise identical to its edited counterpart. Or maybe you were shocked that the family friendly fun of Police Academy wasn't so friendly with all of its original content. The popularity of Police Academy as a family friendly film even led them to do several sequels that were rated PG. There are several movies that I remember really liking that had raunchy humor that I completely missed as a child. Short Circuit and The Goonies are probably the best examples of this. To clarify, the movies mentioned in this paragraph are still good, but I wouldn't recommend them to those with small children that repeat phrases like profanity-proclaiming parakeets who seem to latch onto the exact things we wish they hadn't heard. Also, I definitely wouldn't recommend Police Academy or Clash of the Titans unless you happen to have the edited for TV version on an old VHS tape somewhere.
Many of you no doubt have multiple examples of this, also. Feel free to add your list in the comments. As a last note: I know that some people don't like to admit that they ever suffered from Kidiot Syndrome. They like to comfort themselves by calling the phenomenon of being stupid as a child "wearing rose-colored glasses." When someone says this, remind them that they didn't even wear glasses until the 5th grade.
FIN
* From the movie Be Kind, Rewind starring Jack Black and Mos Def. They accidentally erased all of the VHS tapes in the video rental store and decided to remake them with what materials they had available.
** I realized recently that Batman & Robin is actually good in the so-bad-it's-good way IF you think of it as an extension of the cheese-tastic 1960s TV series with a bigger budget.
*** 1984 saw the release of three PG films that led the MPAA to create the PG-13 Rating for their home video release and for future releases that didn't fit in PG or R: Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Sixteen Candles, and Gremlins. A special note here: Kidiot Syndrome does not affect the perception of films that were drastically altered before your first viewing.
One movie that severely disappointed me as an adult was Spaceballs! This is a movie that I remembered being an absolute laugh riot. However, I was only remembering the funny parts. This is a movie that starts off very strong. They have a great cast and a great group of gags in the first half hour. Then, the movie languishes in the un-funny zone for about 45 minutes before a moderately funny ending (the fortune cookie chest-burster was inspired). For some reason, my 14-year-old self thought that Batman & Robin was actually a good movie. Boy Wonder, Batman, was I wrong! This movie is such a mess and Arnold Schwarzenegger's terrible one-liners are not even the worst part of it. Why did Batman & Robin have a different suit just for ice-skating? Because more suits mean more toys to sell, that's why**. Just to show that I am not strictly criticizing 80s and 90s classics: Many of the 3 year olds that LOVED Jar Jar Binks and the Star Wars prequel trilogy are growing up now, realizing the error of their ways, and becoming Original Trilogy purists. This, of course, means that there is yet hope for the human race.
There are very few enduring Christmas classics compared to the number of Holiday films that have been made over the years. Most of them are just inoffensive and pass the time. However, Babes in Toyland is so bad that every copy should be smashed with a hammer and burned. Oddly, I remember really enjoying this movie when it was aired in school one year before Christmas break began. It must have been a combination of too many sugar cookies and the boredom of being in school on the last day before break. I tried to watch this last year and it's one of those movies that truly deserves the label "What is this? I don't even..." and I have concluded that this film was produced by adults suffering from K.S.
K.S. equally affected our favorite TV Shows. I can remember Zack Morris was the coolest guy on Saved By the Bell. However, looking back I realize that I wouldn't want to be friends with him. He was completely unreliable as a friend and would have landed us all in detention daily. Also, I'm sorry to say this, but Screech would not be friends with the cool kids. I know what it's like to be a geek. His only hope of having friends would either be Marching Band or Drama Club. MacGuyver was the best show of all time! However, the first couple of seasons relied too much on narration from Richard Dean Anderson telling you exactly what he was doing as though we were too dumb to figure it out (luckily, they put a stop to that after a couple of seasons). Also, the show often re-used footage from old movies to fill in where they didn't have an effects or stunts budget. For instance: the episode where MacGuyver gets a family of Gypsies out of Hungary and into Austria by getting them all into three Mini Coopers (one Red, one White, one Blue) and having an insane chase through city streets and canals and... Wait a minute! Wasn't that the original Italian Job? Why, yes! Yes, it was! The show is still good, but it's amazing what a difference a few decades and watching hundreds of films and thousands of episodes of television can make.
And now, a for a completely different category: the films you only saw in their edited-for-TV versions. This is a good time for a sidebar: PG ratings are not a reliable indicator of content before 1984***. Imagine the horror of finding out that the 1980 version of Clash of the Titans has one scene of blatant nudity in it when watching it with your In-Laws at your recommendation! The unedited movie was otherwise identical to its edited counterpart. Or maybe you were shocked that the family friendly fun of Police Academy wasn't so friendly with all of its original content. The popularity of Police Academy as a family friendly film even led them to do several sequels that were rated PG. There are several movies that I remember really liking that had raunchy humor that I completely missed as a child. Short Circuit and The Goonies are probably the best examples of this. To clarify, the movies mentioned in this paragraph are still good, but I wouldn't recommend them to those with small children that repeat phrases like profanity-proclaiming parakeets who seem to latch onto the exact things we wish they hadn't heard. Also, I definitely wouldn't recommend Police Academy or Clash of the Titans unless you happen to have the edited for TV version on an old VHS tape somewhere.
Many of you no doubt have multiple examples of this, also. Feel free to add your list in the comments. As a last note: I know that some people don't like to admit that they ever suffered from Kidiot Syndrome. They like to comfort themselves by calling the phenomenon of being stupid as a child "wearing rose-colored glasses." When someone says this, remind them that they didn't even wear glasses until the 5th grade.
FIN
* From the movie Be Kind, Rewind starring Jack Black and Mos Def. They accidentally erased all of the VHS tapes in the video rental store and decided to remake them with what materials they had available.
** I realized recently that Batman & Robin is actually good in the so-bad-it's-good way IF you think of it as an extension of the cheese-tastic 1960s TV series with a bigger budget.
*** 1984 saw the release of three PG films that led the MPAA to create the PG-13 Rating for their home video release and for future releases that didn't fit in PG or R: Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Sixteen Candles, and Gremlins. A special note here: Kidiot Syndrome does not affect the perception of films that were drastically altered before your first viewing.
Friday, November 2, 2012
Life's a Song and All the World's a Stage
Why do songs get stuck in your head or just pop into your thoughts out of nowhere? Why are we so tempted to sing of the wind sweeping down the plains when we hear about Oklahoma? Has your freshman English class, much to its embarrassment and amusement, suddenly broken into song in unison when the teacher said that an assignment was due Tomorrow? Have you ever ironically (or unironically) observed it to be a pity how pretty you feel?
If you haven't figured it out yet, today's entry is about musicals. More to the point, it's how songs from musicals tend to bubble up at unexpected times. This very morning, someone thought that I was going to break into "Good Morning" from Singing in the Rain when I realized that I hadn't greeted everyone and then began to do so enthusiastically and with much emphatic hand gesturing. This discussion, of course, began a chain reaction in my mind about all the songs that find their way into our minds even if we haven't seen the musicals they reference.
There is something so magical about the lyrical narration of musicals. The best songs take the deepest and most complex feelings and distill them into the simplest terms. Musicals are often about everyday feelings and situations and the best ones are full of songs with simple lyrics and catchy melodies. Yes, they state the obvious, but they also have the potential to make the obvious into the profound. Just as an example, Disney songs are so enduring because they often capture the sense of hope and longing that everyone feels.
Anyone who ever took a music class knows Do-Re-Mi, even if they've never seen The Sound of Music (though my wife admits she watched it every single day as a child). I've never seen the whole of The Music Man but The Beatles' version of "Til There Was You" is probably the best cover song that they ever put on record. And if you've ever overheard two people at an impasse in a disagreement, there's a good chance they ended the conversation with "I say potato, you say potahto."
If you ever find yourself part of the circle of life and living in a whole new world, if you wish you were somewhere over the rainbow, or if you have the urge to encourage someone to put on a happy face, be sure to thank Gershwin, Rogers and Hammerstein, Andrew Lloyd Weber, and Walt Disney for their contributions to our culture. And ask yourself why would anyone in their right mind be caught singing and dancing in the rain?
If you haven't figured it out yet, today's entry is about musicals. More to the point, it's how songs from musicals tend to bubble up at unexpected times. This very morning, someone thought that I was going to break into "Good Morning" from Singing in the Rain when I realized that I hadn't greeted everyone and then began to do so enthusiastically and with much emphatic hand gesturing. This discussion, of course, began a chain reaction in my mind about all the songs that find their way into our minds even if we haven't seen the musicals they reference.
There is something so magical about the lyrical narration of musicals. The best songs take the deepest and most complex feelings and distill them into the simplest terms. Musicals are often about everyday feelings and situations and the best ones are full of songs with simple lyrics and catchy melodies. Yes, they state the obvious, but they also have the potential to make the obvious into the profound. Just as an example, Disney songs are so enduring because they often capture the sense of hope and longing that everyone feels.
Anyone who ever took a music class knows Do-Re-Mi, even if they've never seen The Sound of Music (though my wife admits she watched it every single day as a child). I've never seen the whole of The Music Man but The Beatles' version of "Til There Was You" is probably the best cover song that they ever put on record. And if you've ever overheard two people at an impasse in a disagreement, there's a good chance they ended the conversation with "I say potato, you say potahto."
If you ever find yourself part of the circle of life and living in a whole new world, if you wish you were somewhere over the rainbow, or if you have the urge to encourage someone to put on a happy face, be sure to thank Gershwin, Rogers and Hammerstein, Andrew Lloyd Weber, and Walt Disney for their contributions to our culture. And ask yourself why would anyone in their right mind be caught singing and dancing in the rain?
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
A Case of Identity
This is a blog about me, or more accurately, how I think about the world. It was suggested to me that I write a blog about movies since I have seen so many and have a pretty good depth of knowledge about movies (and a bookmark to IMDB). I thought that it was an interesting idea and I've been considering a blog for some time now. I am a huge fan of films, scripted television*, science fiction, music, board games, and video games. When something happens in my day, it will often remind me of a line of dialogue or a lyric. This blog is all about those associations.
The first step in creating a blog coming up with a name that will adequately convey the intent behind the blog. I went through many name ideas that were not already taken (and many that already were**), but none of them really had that sizzle I was looking for. There were many movie references that I came up with that mashed words together, made bad puns, or used the word "blog" in them, but it wasn't until I really thought about my intentions that it came to me. I am a Christian and often find that God uses films to cut directly to my mind and heart. So, I find myself as a student who learns through movies. I engage with them on a higher level than just entertainment.*** Also, many people ask me "what film was the one with that one guy where they did this thing?" and I find myself assisting others with what I know.
With all of these things running through my head, I finally settled on A Study in Film. It is a reference to the Sherlock Holmes story A Study in Scarlet (later adapted as A Study in Pink for the modern Sherlock series from the BBC). It is a good fit as it conveys that I am constantly learning just as everyone else on this journey we call life. The title of this post is a Sherlock Holmes story title that, in light of all the thought necessary to come up with a name, is very fitting.
* Most Reality TV is trashy. I do not include competition or game shows in this category unless they use the formula of The Bachelor or The Apprentice. Also, those Duggars are really nice people.
** As an interesting aside, I found out that Captain's Blog is not a Star Trek or Sci-Fi blog, but one dedicated to the New York Yankees and Major League Baseball.
*** Disclaimer: Not possible with all films.
The first step in creating a blog coming up with a name that will adequately convey the intent behind the blog. I went through many name ideas that were not already taken (and many that already were**), but none of them really had that sizzle I was looking for. There were many movie references that I came up with that mashed words together, made bad puns, or used the word "blog" in them, but it wasn't until I really thought about my intentions that it came to me. I am a Christian and often find that God uses films to cut directly to my mind and heart. So, I find myself as a student who learns through movies. I engage with them on a higher level than just entertainment.*** Also, many people ask me "what film was the one with that one guy where they did this thing?" and I find myself assisting others with what I know.
With all of these things running through my head, I finally settled on A Study in Film. It is a reference to the Sherlock Holmes story A Study in Scarlet (later adapted as A Study in Pink for the modern Sherlock series from the BBC). It is a good fit as it conveys that I am constantly learning just as everyone else on this journey we call life. The title of this post is a Sherlock Holmes story title that, in light of all the thought necessary to come up with a name, is very fitting.
* Most Reality TV is trashy. I do not include competition or game shows in this category unless they use the formula of The Bachelor or The Apprentice. Also, those Duggars are really nice people.
** As an interesting aside, I found out that Captain's Blog is not a Star Trek or Sci-Fi blog, but one dedicated to the New York Yankees and Major League Baseball.
*** Disclaimer: Not possible with all films.
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